Damn those politicians, these jokes are just so
true, they really are a bunch of bastards aren't
When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St.
Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein
scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into
And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I know you're
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter
was convinced and let him in.
When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man
at the gates. "How can you prove to me you're George W. Bush?"
Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, "Well heck, I don't know."
St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me his
equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do
to prove you're George W. Bush?"
Bush replies, "Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?"
St. Peter says, "It must be you, George, c'mon on in."
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the
personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books
have been lost. Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer said the
president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a
firing squad in a small Central American country. Bill Clinton
was the first one placed against the wall and just before the
order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing squad
fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in
Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad
was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed.
Again before the order was given Al yelled out, "Tornado!" Again
the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall.
He was thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out
something about a disaster and hop over the wall." He
confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was
reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction he
grinned from ear to ear and yelled, "Fire!"
Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get
acquainted' tour of the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked
President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was
astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!
That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the
urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have
my own personal gold urinal!"
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the
White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with
his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private
bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed.
Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who pissed
in your saxophone."
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with
the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She
says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He
asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking
them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please
answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who
is it?" Tony Blair responds ,"It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She
hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the
Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test.
He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator
Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What¹s on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it
and get back to you?"
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. Helms immediately calls a
meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle
over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with
an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at
the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your
father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your
sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and
exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony
Bush and Gore were sitting in a restaurant to discuss the
craziness of the election. When the waitress came to take their
orders, Gore said, "I'll take the steak." When she asked Bush,
he said, "I'll take the quicky." Gore motioned for the waitress
to come closer, and whispered into her ear "He means the